I originally posted this in a private forum that my nutritionist set up for her clients but I think it would also make a good post.
Breakfast is a meal that has always been difficult for me. It’s not that I don’t like eating a breakfast meal, I just don’t like eating “breakfast” food in the morning. To me, nothing sounds worse in the morning than pancakes, waffles or cereal, but I occasionally LOVE these items in the evening. Also, I work a basic M-F office job and I’m not a good planner (unless it’s for a vacation!) and I’m sort of bad with getting to work on time. Where does this leave me?
Most of my mornings I have no breakfast, or I’m eating something that I almost wish I didn’t have because it is SO unappealing to me.
When I was a child my mother made me breakfast before school up until about 5th or 6th grade. She would usually make me a soft-boiled egg with toast or cream of wheat/malt-o-meal. I liked these breakfasts, watching me some Dumbo’s circus, Pooh Corner or various other children’s shows in the mornings while I munched down.
Hoping to reclaim the past… nah just kidding, hoping to have a shelf stable breakfast that doesn’t require frequent replenishing, I bought a box of cream of wheat to keep in my work cupboard. Before now I had tried eating oatmeal. I had also tried steel-cut oats(SCO). The problem with both of them… was that they give me heartburn.
So sad, I have a big ol container of SCO’s that I don’t know what to do with. I tried madking SCO’s in my slowcooker. I made them with milk and fruits, brown sugar and honey with cinnamon mmmmmm…… but no matter how delicious, every time – HEARTBURN, HEARTBURN, HEARTBURN!!! So sad.
Jeez I’m using a lot of images this post! Anyhow so yeah, I tried oats and even multigrain cereal mixes with barley and all that. So I made my cream o wheat, with just hot water and splenda (I don’t like splenda, but it’s the only sweetener my work has). And…. it wasn’t very good. I also got mild heartburn ): I was determined that today would be better! I grabbed a jar of powdered milk, my jar of homemade vanilla sugar and some Vietnamese cinnamon. So I heated it up, caused it to overflow in the microwave(! serious disaster, cream of wheat basically turns into CEMENT when cooked and removed from water) and added my ingredients. DAYYYMMMMM. It was WAYYY good. way, way good. Like sweet ambrosia of the gods and all that. All it was missing was a pat of butter and then my head could’ve exploded.
Ok so now this brings me to my point (haha yeah all that, and it’s not even my point). So I made this delicious breakfast that I finally like, and I kind of exploded it in the microwave, so like half of my original bowl is gone down the drain. I gobbled this up way fast and…. of course I’m still hungry because it’s half of what I intended to eat.
The microwave in my office is down the hall, I have to pass by 3 offices to get to it, all of them have windows into the hallway and the last window is right in front of the microwave. And you know what? I just couldn’t bring myself to go and heat up another half bowl so that I won’t be hungry anymore. Because somebody might see me. More accurately somebody might see me and think “DANG fatty mc fat-fat needs TWO breakfasts! NO WONDER SHE’S SO FAT!!!” How lame is that? I know that nobody will probably notice me go to the microwave, some might hear me but who cares?
Apparently being fat for twenty something years cares. So today I was little hungrier until lunch, it’s not a huge (ba dum bum) inconvenience, but I was upset with myself that I let this happen. But you know what? I didn’t create the social constructs that got society here. I didn’t create a stereotypes about fat people, and I didn’t all of a sudden decide today that I should be self-conscious of my fatness, just because. No, this is years and years of social brainwashing at work here. So you know what, I’m not going to take the blame for this. F**k that, it’s mainstream media’s fault, beauty magazines, movies, television shows, “fitness experts”, and the DIET industry’s fault here. They dropped the ball here. Nobody should be made to feel like they are less than, for what they look like, sound like, or for any reason. We’re all PEOPLE, and every person deserves to be respected as such.
So again, I’m not going to blame myself, because these feelings are the result of oppression. I WILL take the victories, no matter how big or small, as they come. Being visible in public, wearing what I want, eating what I want, even just reading a fat positive blog on the web, are all part of fat activism. These actions might not seem radical, but they ARE. By refusing to hide and getting up everyday, simply by existing, you are defying the social “norm”(you know if most people aren’t “normal” weight – it ceases to be the “norm”??). You badasses!!
We all do what we can, when we can. I’m not going to say “think positive” or whatever because I know that’s not always possible, if we were happy and positive all the time, we’d be robots. What I am saying is that these little “failures” happen all the time, but they aren’t OUR failures.
That’s my thought for today. Anybody else have similar experiences?
p.s. I JUST noticed that the FATLOVERS image is missing an apostrophe in “radars”. This is soooo gonna bug me, but not enough to fix it! 😛