“Well, I hate to break it to you
you just don’t realize,
with your conversation topics,
and you never compromise”
You Make it Rough by Chromeo from the album Business Casual
This song makes me think of all the people that hate on fat, with no factual evidence as to why it’s so wrong. That reminds me, I’m going to do a sort of Fat101 information gathering on here sometime soon, for anybody curious about fat acceptance and body acceptance, or people that might be reading this thinking “but your health!!!” etc. etc. Don’t worry, all reasonings will be based on science and not conjecture and heresay. Moving on….!
Love me some Chromeo! Also as a side note, if you’re in NY you might be pleased to know that Chromeo is playing at the American Museum of Natural History April 22nd! Click here for more info. When I was putting together this post I kept thinking of this song. Not that I think my outfit is terribly business-like, but I did wear it to work…
So I didn’t actually wear the yellow scarf to work because it just wasn’t cold enough (hellloooo spring!!).
Dress: dunno what brand, from Ross size L
striped waterfall cardi: Tommy Hillfiger size 1X – also from Ross
Scarf: came free with something
Ridiculous face: I’d say my mom, but my mom says I’m from another planet, so possibly aliens…
So hi there! I think this outfit would look great with a nice belt around it, don’t you? Maybe a red or yellow, or magenta, or teal, or…. yeah but I don’t have any of those. Looks like I’m wearing a lot of black/grey these days.. I gonna work on getting some color into my wardrobe. (mega-bright lemon yellow dress, I’m looking at yoooooouuuuu)
So I love stripes. I probably wouldn’t have bought the cardi thing if it wasn’t striped. Even pre-fat acceptance when I was privy to all the “how not to look fat” fashion magazine garbage, I still loved stripes! I would buy and wear horizontal stripes (AKA: omfg FAT KRYPONITE!!!! – according to fashion mags) despite friends telling me that it not a good choice for me.
So people, if you like it, wear it. Seriously, don’t let other people (even/especially “friends) define who you are, and the person you reflect upon the world. It is much easier said than done but the more you practice it, the easier it will become.
Anyhow, so yeah the dress is a size L! wtf!? Lemme tell you about this dress. Let me take you back, way back… to 2006….
Rivers Cuomo says that Weezer may never make another album, Billy Corgan announces that Smashing Pumpkins are making a new album, and the world at large was unaware of the ga ga a certain Lady was about to unleash upon them.
So my first year working at this job, an official OFFICE job, we had a Christmas party. My first ever corporate party. I had no idea what to wear. My fat and I hadn’t been liberated yet, so we were still in fat shame prison, no chance of parole. What that means is that the clothes I was wearing were not the clothes I wanted to be wearing, I was still playing it safe, using work as an excuse.
But a party!! Well I had to wear something different! A procrastinator at heart, I went to Ross the night before, sweating in terror.
Of course they had nothing for me. I was determined to wear a dress, (to be “fancy”) but no dresses were available in my size. Then as I was about to leave I saw this dress, size L. I really liked it, simple, black, cowl neck (and CHEAP!) but size L!? No way, I wear an 18 at best… but maybe I’ll just try it on for a laugh…
And it fit!! I was so stoked it fit. I looked good, I had tons of compliments and I felt fabulous.
So I’ve gained some weight since then, and I’ve gone up 2 pant sizes. I hadn’t worn the dress in years (X-mas of 2009 to be exact) and I was sure it wouldn’t fit.
Magic dress is magical. For reals it fit. It’s of course kinda snug now, but it doesn’t really bother me much. It would’ve bothered me 3 years ago, but not now, not after I’ve worn a bodycon dress out for a night of dancing!
When I first started to liberate myself from body shaming I was terrified to wear whatever fabulousness I had in mind, outdoors. So I’d wear something indoors, get used to it, make it normal for me. If I was still too intimidated to wear it out, I’d just wear a part of it out, something small that was revolutionary for me. Like, a dress.
Took me a damn long time to be able to wear a dress in public. As soon as I went outside in one I immediately felt awkward, I felt like I didn’t deserve to try to look attractive, that I should leave it to the thin people. But I kept reading about Fat Acceptance, kept trying to accept my body, and kept working on normalizing my own self expression. I’m still a little nervous in public wearing something new, something I find daring, bright or attention grabbing. But I still keep at it.
Self acceptance is an ongoing process, but the more you keep at it the stronger it gets, the stronger you get. There’s always going to be somebody that just hates what you wear, whether you’re size 0 or size 36, but really it has nothing to do with you. When I created art (yeahsbeenawhile) I didn’t draw or paint something to please everyone who might see it, I created it to express myself, to please my creative self, to live. This is just another arm of the same beast, for me.